My Mother, Karen Lea Bowlsby Perez Grayson (1941-2003)

By Amy Elizabeth Perez

 
My mother, Karen Bowlsby (14) [Samuel Bowlby (8), Joseph I Bowlby (10)], was born on February 27, 1941, in the small town of Cheyenne, Washington.  She was interested in art, poetry, music, dance, and theater from an early age.  She grew up intent on making a difference in the world.  It was the beginning of a life dedicated to education as well as to the art, music, dance, and theater that she enjoyed so much.  She was a person who lived her life to the fullest.  In 1964, she joined the Peace Corps, to take an assignment teaching English in Malaysia.  Like most Peace Corps volunteers, she joined for the adventure and the challenge of living in a foreign country.  She went through a thorough Peace Corps training program, but when she took up her first assignment, she found a slight hitch.  She had been trained in the Malay language, but she was assigned to school full of naughty little Chinese boys…thus the challenge began.  But with her typical attitude, she adapted quickly.  Most importantly, she embraced the Malaysian culture and had a wonderful time in Malaysia.  She loved to tell me many exciting stories of her Peace Corps service, which included:  cobras slithering through the windows; getting caught in torrential rainstorms; trying exotic dishes (the hotter, the better); falling in love; and traveling extensively throughout Southeast Asia.

Her Peace Corps experience made a big difference in her life.  It inspired her to continue a life of adventure, learning, and experiencing life to the fullest.  My mother, Karen Lea Bowlsby, moved to Los Angeles, California in 1969.  She became an enthusiastic teacher of ESL (English as a Second Language) to the many immigrants in the Los Angeles area.  In addition, she assisted in the development of the adult high school diploma program.  She was a passionate and patient teacher.  Surrounded once again by people of different cultures, she took the opportunity to learn from them as well as to teach.  Her enthusiasm for teaching extended well beyond the classroom, as she took her students to museums, concerts and performances to introduce them to the best of the American experience.  Her students all enjoyed their wonderful experience with her.  They admired her, and many became longtime friends.  Her fellow teachers also admired her and were inspired by her passion for teaching.  In her personal life, she believed in living life to the fullest and trying to experience all that the world offered.  Her life was so full and fulfilling.  She was an artist.  She loved jazz and the blues.  She was enthusiastic about politics.  She enjoyed swimming.  She was my Girl Scout leader.  She was an avid shopper and movie fan.  There was very little that she didn’t like to do.  She loved to search for new restaurants to try, new plays to see, and new places to go.

She loved picnics, whether near or far.  She was always in search of something fun and exciting to do.  I have so many fond memories of our many adventures together, which included:  painting an elephant for the Hari Krishna parade at Venice Beach; river rafting; traveling hours to see a David Hockney exhibition; getting lost in the subways of New York and ending up in Harlem; canoeing; an auto breakdown in the middle of the desert; and working at the 1984 Olympic Games.

My fondest memory of her, however, is that she was such a wonderful and devoted mother.  I learned so much about life through her example:  to understand and to have compassion for others, to have a passion for life and learning, and most of all, her dedication to stay alive for me.  As a single mother, things were not easy for her, but she made it look easy.  The love and support she gave me each and every day of her life was tremendous, and I still carry it with me every day.  She was an amazing mother and my best friend, a very rare combination.  There was rarely a stranger on the elevator with us who didn’t know how proud she was of me by the end of the elevator ride!   

At the age of 45, when I was 17, my mother had her first and unfortunately not her last encounter with breast cancer.  After a mastectomy and after undergoing chemotherapy treatment, she had a remission for four years.  As time progressed, the remissions became shorter and shorter, until finally, her cancer became a constant factor in our lives.  Throughout this period, she underwent several surgeries and treatments and experienced countless visits to doctors.  Despite suffering from hair loss, nausea, and exhaustion, she maintained her optimism and strength.  She was such an inspiration, as she fought this terrible disease, by living every day to the fullest, rather than dwelling on her pain.  Every day, she tried to enjoy whatever she could for that day, whether it was gardening, watching a movie or a video, shopping, trying a new restaurant, going to a museum, going for a drive or a walk, sitting at the beach, or visiting family.  She never complained if she couldn’t do anything that day.  She always found something to enjoy.  Even on her most miserable days, she never hesitated to ask how you were, and she really wanted to know.  She was a truly giving and loving person.  Wherever she went, people knew her and were always happy to see her.  Life as a single mother with a life-threatening illness was not easy, but she faced it head on.  But, as well as she adapted to her life with breast cancer, I hope that one day no one will have to suffer with this disease, as so many have done in the past.

Late in life, my mother married a wonderful man, her first marriage, and being the wonderful man that he was, he stood by her as her battle with cancer became more and more fateful.  I am honored that the project, Friends of Malaysia – The Karen Bowlsby/Sherry Zembower Breast Cancer Awareness Project – A Project in Honor of All Peace Corps Volunteers Who Have Fought Breast Cancer, is named in memory of my mother.  During the 16 years she spent battling breast cancer with determination and perseverance, she never considered herself to be a “sick person”.

In the face of all this pain, my mother never ceased to amaze me with her strength and with her care for others who suffered from the same disease.  Her strength inspired and showed a different perspective of how one can LIVE life with cancer and ENJOY life while undergoing cancer treatment.  This project is so inspiring, not only because of the assistance to be offered to women, but also because it is directed to women in Malaysia, where my mother always had fond memories and which influenced her for the rest of her life.